Pain Fades, Not People...

The day started with a friend of mine buzzing me up at 12 am and shouting at top of her voice " Happy independence day " , i said " Ya sure , Independence day , sure it is " ; definitly it was not me !! Guess I hoped for too much that night when i got myself off from office early to catch some sleep..."hmmm..tell me , whats happening with you now days ?" . The conversation went on till the night faded into a brilliant orange morning.; and i had a question burning inside me at the end of the talk with a long lost friend to which i didnt have an answer to..

Later down the day , we were sitting in Cofee day and i was recounting what happened the last night, and was still frustrated with myself that i didnt have an answer or any thing consoling to tell ....
" How do we end up loving a person who we know for sure are up to no good ?" , and them my friend tells me " you know Kiran, this is something i happen to know the answer to " to realize that i did think a bit aloud... and then she said something that really made a lot of sense to me after a long time...

She went on " Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you." and i am like "Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl like that would actually be with a guy like me." She just shrugged and leaned back and said " Kiran , I have a question for you ; breakup's are bad and you and i know that how much ever we try and subside that pain , it somehow never fades so then what next ? "

I just sat there sipping my coffee and said " I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your friends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that she'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And then you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade " I said.

"Phew !!, that was intense " she said ; I nodded in agreement and we both leaned back and sunk back into the comfy chairs , sipping our drinks and looked out of the large window of the Coffee day , looking at the busy street, at the city that has given us so much but had taken from us so much more ...... At the end of the day i guess the pain does fade if we would decide do....

An intense post for a lot of people going and have gone through breakups and pain has faded but not us.. Enjoy folks !!!

E- Ecstasy or Escapism ?

Bangalore- the one place known as one of the most happening places thanks to IT , call center and bars. In a district that has 48 bars in one stretch of a mile length road and for a district that comes on the 1st position for having the most number of millionaire households in India , definitely Bangalore is a happening place.

Recently we and a friend of ours happened to be in Purple Haze which is one of the hmm.. ok ok happening page 3 type pubs in the city , sipping on our regular fruit punch and then she spots him . Walks in with a typical delhi melbourne swagger and they talk , have sex and they are all going great with each other.And the moment she wanted to move from the here and now to the long and forever and then realisation strikes him of wedding-parenthood-children-schools-office-curry-tiffen box- golf- home-old age-death and then he walks out on her.

Later she walks in one fine day at my place with the delhi swagger and i am like "Everything good between you folks ?" and she is like "We are yet to talk about it tonight " , and the evening ends up with a pleasant dinner to a very beautiful morning when the uproar breaks out...

She walks in the next day to his place the next day morning to discuss "US" and he tells her that men have walls and he has Great Wall of China and he walks out on her, recently she called me up and said " Rahul stood me up again last night , we were supposed to go out for Ocean's 13.. when i woke up in the morning he left a note "Happy Birthday !!, Sorry can't make it tonight , busy at work " beside a gift , which when i opened was huge ugly candle "...

I at that moment started wondering why do we men take more refuge in " E "- escapism silly, not ecstasy , maybe its the facing of responsiblities , or its getting up to a differnt morning to the face of the same person...after all we do hate routine in all phases and walks of our life isnt ?...or maybe its because free ass is so easily available these days..

A post after a time i lost count off and in a time that i am finally happy of myself and the enviroment around me , Happy Friendship Day folks and everyone mast maja maadi ( Bangalore style , oh man i love this place , ha ha )